bokugakowai

1 min read

Hello everyone. Sorry for being away so long.

I'd almost forgotten about this site.

The ED (that my last journal-entry was about) is now history.

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bokugakowai

Oct 17, 2010

ED-recovery

2 min read

_{So, I'm not sure if I should really be writing this, but, well, at the same time it feels like I should let you guys know what's going on in my life, and that it probably would do me good to get to put it down in writing.

I have an eating disorder. It's been a long struggle, just to admit that fact to myself, and I probably wouldn't have done anything about it for a couple more years (it's kind of part of the illness that you don't realize you're ill) if my mother hadn't called me in, but now I finally have. Doesn't really make it more bearable, but at least it makes sense of some things I haven't been able to get earlier.

I go to a therapist once a week now, borrowed a little self-help book to read (that the therapist recommended), and have got some nutritional shakes purscribed to me. One in the fridge for tomorrow.

I'm still constantly fighting inwardly, but I've been told things will get better with rest from all the exercise I used to do, proper eating, and support from my family.

The TTM is getting worse with all this stress too...fuck.

Just trying to live by the hour.}

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bokugakowai

Jan 9, 2010

TTM - a study of stress and progress

4 min read

_{TTM is an abbreviation of Trichotillomania. It's one of those illnesses that we don't know much about. Yet, it's been described in litterature, as a medical condition, as early as 1885. Before that it was just a metaphore for distress and anger in texts, which I guess it is today as well, to some extent (though, people might well have suffered from it earlier, as people of this disease tend to lie about it and/or hide it).

TTM means, simply, that you tear of your own hair, be it on your scalp or your arms, doesn't matter. The pain that comes out of this action, makes your brain produce more endorphines and you get a temporary ease of mind. In that context, TTM is not very unlike cutting. And both the people suffering from TTM and those cutting seems to have about the same background, of depression and anxious tendencies. They're both thought of as a secondary diagnosis for depression.

But the hair-tearing is different. Some people do it without even noticing it. It's not deliberate selfmutilation, even in those people who are aware of it. It's an abnormal "programmed" behaviour, not just something people do to ease emotions and thought-patterns.

A recent study have been made, showing that abnormal hair pulling behaivor can be traced to a mutation in the HOXB8 gene (a gene liable for homeobox DNA-binding). This would mean it's a condition that no one, as medicine looks today, will be able to cure. Maybe in another fifty or hundred years, though. Never say die, doc.

Some of you know that I suffer from TTM and have been for quite a long time now.
Since I was about twelve, I believe, which is the usual age for it to spring out.
I've been to therapy and tried all the meds. No luck. Ahwell...

"It's life and life only" - Bob Dylan.}

Journal CSS By dot-Silver

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bokugakowai

Dec 31, 2009

Native english speakers?

2 min read

_{In school we're starting with "English step 3" next semester, and we want to get some native english speakers to visit us and, just listen to them talk, basicly.
About themselves, their work, anything.

So how about a visit to Sweden?

The school can't pay for all of it, I'm afraid, but I'm sure they'll be able to contribute.}

Journal CSS By dot-Silver

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bokugakowai

Dec 23, 2009

Christmas...

2 min read

_{...I wish you all a merry christmas and a happy new year!

Any plans for the holidays?

Thank you so much for the premium membership!
You're awsome, man.}

Journal CSS By dot-Silver

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Welcome back me!

ED-recovery

TTM - a study of stress and progress

Native english speakers?

Christmas...